Rambling brain

 Hah! so much for writing more, it's been about a month.

But, this morning's walk filled with a rambling brain full of stuff,  made me want to get it out of my head and onto this page.

There are some big things going on - houses we are looking at have finally come on the market so I have to view them myself and that means trusting my own judgement and having someone else trust me too. That is scary.

Sad things are happening, slowly. Making me question so many of my beliefs, my ways of thinking that used to keep me safe and are now no longer any use. Much of this I know academically but different when in the middle of it. My footing feels very unsure right now.

Through this and more, the morning walks help. However low I'm feeling just the sight of the Goldfinches flitting from wire to wire, leading me down the road and a quick hop, skip of a lamb makes me smile inside.

Change is a forgone conclusion but that doesn't make it any easier.

I had better things to write when I was walking, of course I distracted myself as soon as I got in. Ah well.

This morning looking out of the window, I realised that I wanted to try to write in a different way. I have a visual memory and find describing feelings and situations very difficult. I think in part because I can't decide what is relevant to say and what is unnecessary.

I do so love words and find their meanings and origens fascinating.

Back to my window.

It's warm, with just a hint of coolness left over from last night. The birds have had their fill at the feeder, mostly woodpeckers, greenfinches and sparrows today. Squabbles happen profusely.

A white butterfly, possibly a cabbage white - although I am not up on my lepidopterans - flitting purposefully around the very tall bush on the other side of the fence. So many tiny flying creatures have taken to the skies bringing the swifts and swallows back to the area. They will be out in force later.

It was as if I was looking out onto the pages of a novel. That idyllic summer's day that has occurred in many of the books I've read.

The view has stories within it.

How the lawn got its patchwork effect, how the hole appeared between the trees giving the woodpeckers easy access to the nuts, why the clothes line is blue, and many more. 

Stories and memories, I like that.

All that information from looking out one smallish window. To think of all the stories and memories being seen all over the world - it is incredible!